Some things have challenged me to my very core. These events bring out the best and the worst in me.
The best is always reassuring as to strength and endurance, faith and future.
The worst is …bad.
I have surprised myself by how bad I have become at times adjusting to change. Most of the time, the lessons I learn are only after the fact. Looking back and reflecting on what happened and how to change any future responses so that, perhaps, I can be better at adjusting to change.
I know that I hyper-focus on things after suffering trauma of some kind. I have done this multiple times but have not been aware of it.
For example, anything that affects my breathing, I hyper-focus on. A cold, the flu, allergies. That’s because when I was in the last years with my old heart, I could never seem to take a deep breath and felt each breath as I took them. So when anything affects my breathing, I have a tendency to hyper-focus on it. Not good. Focus is one thing, but myopic focus, or obsession, is worse.
Another thing about very challenging experiences is that I know when I am not adjusting to them because I feel out of control. When things snowball and overwhelm, I can’t seem to find my bearings. Of course, eventually, I do find my way. With a lot of prayer, family, friends, and reminders that most things I have already been through, I have survived.
These experiences have also taught me that I can’t do it alone. I have a therapist, my family, some dear friends, my faith, and a God that accompanies me all the days of my life.
One last thing challenging times have taught me. Everyone goes through times when too much happens, too many life changes occur, and they also feel overwhelmed, afraid, and searching for some control, stability, or even just peace of mind and heart.
And we who have been helped through our challenging times can help others through theirs. And in this way, we walk each other home.
This is life and the living of it.
